How to get over a breakup

By Gugu Ndlovu

A number of people fall apart when they have to take separate ways with their "loved" one. Many teenagers have committed suicide due to a break up. Loving someone is one of the greatest emotions on earth, yet one tends to leave any space for disappointments. A breakup of any relationship can turn the whole world upside down. Yet many things can be done to help one put themselves together and be wiser on the next relationship.

According to Dr Naidoo, a clinic psychologist in Kempton Park; breakups can be considered as one of the most miserable memories of growing up. No human being is glad to go through such phases, because of the intense emotion that comes with stress as well as heartaches. Hence, one can get through it, it might not be easy though, but it is very possible.

Why does it hurt so much?

"When one is involved in a romantic relationship, they are connected to the other person, hence share similar dreams and hopes for the future. Then when there is conflict, the dreams seem to be shuttered causing the parties to experience profound disappointments, hurt, stress as well as heartache," says Naidoo. This happens because it symbolises a loss.

This becomes a big factor because it changes everything, the things that one had considered to be norm for a certain period of time; everything changes such as one’s routine, as well as the responsibilities that one had in the period of the relationship.

"One thing that people seem to forget is that, you are not born with that person, as you were able to meet, you can also depart, making it possible to move on, even though healing might take time," states Naidoo. One aspect that a person should remember is to be patient with one
self.

Talk about it:

People may find it very hard to talk to their friends or family members about breakups, but is it surely part of the healing phase. Isolation always keeps one sad and brings about loneliness. Naidoo includes that, "Talking to people and getting their views about the way you are feeling at that time, makes the situation less difficult to deal with." Hence, people are different; some people find it easier to write on a journal or diaries to keep their stress levels, down. To those people, getting another person’s point of view can just make the feeling worse and they might just take offence.

It’s okay to grieve

According to Nathan Feiles, an online writer for Psych central, grieving is a way of healing, and people heal differently Nonetheless, there is specific phrase that is set for a person to grieve. Hence, the mistake it mostly done by the youth is to mix up grieving and drowning in sorrow and regret. Some people can take up to a month some a year.

Find happiness in other areas

Breaking up can only be dealt with when one truly finds happiness. According to Jeanne Segal, Ph.D, Gina Kemp, M.A, and Melinda Smith, M.A. Spending less time thinking about the negative things can make one more vulnerable than they already are. A person should find positives interests like going out with friends, spending time with family members. Another thing to remember is to pursue fun; new activities always help to discover a side of you that you didn’t know you had.

"A break up does not mean it’s the end of the world. People and break up and move on every day. It hurts! But get your act together and get over him/her," Naidoo adds.